I am going out on a limb with these words and writing about something that seems off course from the norm.
For those who know me, you probably chuckled a bit when you read the word. I have been told I should have been born with a penis. I took that as a compliment! I have never been a romantic and ladylike isn’t written in my cards. I enjoy sports, sweating and I can burp with the best of them. Wearing heels is … probably, well… once every few years and dresses are few and far between but I have a genuine heart and I am a straight shooter. No bullshit about me. I like to distance myself from female drama and wimpy chicks ….well; they just need to stop being pussies. Yup, I said that! How do you like me now?
Any type of “dressing up” away from workout gear makes me feel like a drag queen. (No offence to actual drag queens as you probably look amazing… me…it’s just awkward) I’ve never been into public displays of affection and my idea of a date would be fitness related. Why waste dollars on eating in a restaurant and flowers just die so save your money!
Why am I even speaking about any of this? Because if you know me well, you know all of this is true and I think what I have to say makes it all more meaningful.
It takes something we love to disappear to appreciate the value in it. It takes the absence and the silence to introduce us to what we truly and deeply loved and find ways to make our life more fulfilling. As brutally depressing as it is, the saying “you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone” is 100% true.
This isn’t about fitness, training or motivating you to find that new normal of health. It is about finding that new normal of Love. The past few months I have looked at my married friends or people who have that significant other and I wish I could put my hand on them and share this magical feeling of what love should be.
We are all basically going through life the exact same way. The relationship I knew was like everyone else’s dealing with the daily stresses of life, work and kids. You take everything for granted. You hurry through your days with no time to appreciate the moments and the special little things your spouse has to offer. (Insert Disney music here). But I couldn’t be more serious.
Losing someone you love changes everything. It changes your thought process and your beliefs. It changes how you view life and love. I had almost 30 years of my life with someone. Growing up with one person allows you to deal with amazing moments, shitty moments and everything in between. But as with most people, through the years you become blind to the true love you have. You get used to it always being there that you lose the appreciation that you have it to begin with. None of this is done on purpose, it is just life. You get busy, you get tired and you start to joke with your friends about the exact same daily struggles and the annoying habits of your spouse that it just seems normal. How many of you sit around a table with your spouse and friends and it becomes a night filled with jokes about the husbands and how annoying the wives can be?
But it doesn’t have to be!
When is the last time you stared into the love of your life’s eyes and said….nothing? Just stared and appreciated them being there.
I write this article in hopes to challenge you to find a new way of being healthy with your love life. Ways that allow you to enjoy the other person and create ways to show them how much you care. Yes ladies, you should make love to your husband once a day!
(All my male friends are high-fiving right now but it’s true).
“Once a day” has become a new motto and trust me, prior to this that was not an option.
“Once a day”? Are you kidding me!? That is completely absurd!
My close friends know how many times I uttered “when I go to bed, I go to bed to SLEEP”
That was my mindset with a roll of my eyes. Now, I view every part of that differently. It’s not just about the sex it’s about the time you took. The time away from all other distractions so you could be as close to your partner as possible.
Frig, bend her over and get it done quickly if you need to but just do it! (Hey, there is a new commercial for Nike) It is about you and your significant other.
Ok, ok sometimes this isn’t possible but please do your best ladies!
Everything. Else. Can. Wait.
If I had it to do all over again, would I do it differently? Absolutely! 100% I would treat love differently.
I would love harder! I would respect the fact that he choose me and appreciate the love we had on a much deeper level. We get into a mindset of comfort and take it for granted that it will always be there.
I would dance with him in the middle of the living room and make him sing the words of each song along with me. Even if we got them all wrong!
I would hold hands and hug daily. A hug can seem so trivial during marriage. You get busy with the chores of life and stopping for a hug can just seem….bothersome. Don’t wait… drop everything and hug!
I would spend moments talking about each other. I would tell him daily of what I loved about him. We can get caught up in what annoys us that we forget what has pulled us together in the first place.
I would strive to make each other laugh. Hearing the person you love have an uncontrollable belly laugh is probably one of the sweetest sounds you can hear.
I would let him love me for who I am. Instead of rolling my eyes at compliments, I would say “thank you for loving me”. I never appreciated the fact that he loved every inch of me. Females can be so concerned with their body and finding perfection is an endless road.
I wouldn’t leave in the morning without saying “I love you” and a kiss goodbye and I would arrive home with a hug long enough for me to smell every inch of him in. I loved how my husband smelled. Even on his work days when he arrived home smelling like timber. That distinctive smell of wood almost brings me to my knees when I smell it now.
I would cuddle in bed even if his body heat was making me sweat.
I would tell him regularly how much I appreciated the man he was and that I was proud to call him my husband.
And heck, I may even wear heels and enjoy the sparkle in his eyes when I threw on a dress.
Don’t let something like death be your wakeup call for treating love with respect. Stop being caught up in each day and start getting caught up with the person you are spending your days with.
Yes, it is important to love yourself and not feel the need to change for anyone else but the loss of my husband has changed the person I am. I have a renewed respect for what love is and how you should treat it.
I cannot imagine my life with anyone else other than my husband but I also cannot imagine being alone and lonely for the rest of my life. That wasn’t supposed to happen, I was married for life. I will never have the opportunity to go back and do it differently.
I hope this has inspired you to do Love differently