There is always that dreaded dream that you are stuck in public naked with no where to hide. Your bare ass and vijayjay hanging out for the world to see…You can only cover up so much with two hands.
Being stripped of everything you have that protects you. Probably the most vulnerable feeling there is.
But on the other hand, that feeling of vulnerability helps to prove what is important, makes you appreciate the freedom of truths and allows you to work on correcting the shit-show. Being naked without even caring. Who wouldn’t want that?
I live with a strong attitude of “I don’t care what people think of me. This is me, this is what you get”. I think this allows me to survive during a time where surviving seems almost impossible. I don’t care what my hair looks like. I don’t care if you think I’m a little weird. I will talk about shit, farting and laugh about the forgetfulness of vagina and armpit shaving. I want my boys to grow up and fall in love with a girl who doesn’t need to wear makeup or care if her “butt looks fat in these jeans”. Honestly… a girl who can fart in the shower with you….that girl isn’t hiding a thing! That smell ain’t going no-where!
I may not worry about what others think of me but I always had that fear of ‘being naked”, the fear of being vulnerable, or not being good enough. And I now feel like the person I once was has died…it’s the sequel now playing out, with some strange character I know nothing about. But in some weird way, death doesn’t just show you all the regrets you have in a life, it also forces you to look for ways to change, to “get naked” and accept feeling vulnerable. It shows you how to live!
This isn’t an article about a “love yourself” mantra because lets face it, it’s not that easy. It’s bullshit! And I have every right to say that life sucks. It’s hurting and it’s sad and it would be so much easier to throw in the towel but what I do recognize in all of this heaviness is I want to encourage others that so much time is wasted on stupid meaningless shit, your sink full of dishes, your concern with butt size, a flat stomach, the score of a meaningless sporting game, the heaping pile of laundry.
Stupid things that take precious time away from living!
I know that I have a shitload of work to do in order to accept the path my life has taken, to smile with purpose and to laugh off those naked dreams.
Part of me once was that girl in the shower…The second part of me had the fear of failing, not being good enough, of “being naked”. I never knew how much that second ½ held me back until now.
To the females reading, I hope you all want to be the girl in the shower.
To the males reading, don’t hold your breath. Breathe it in and hug her tight!